Ep 15: Sweetest Perfection – Violator In A Van

This week we’re talking about the Sweetest Perfection and appropriately enough it’s short and sweet.

Let’s talk about how looking outside of ourselves for things to make us feel better or for where to lay the blame for how we’re feeling is never the answer.

We have innate mental health and wellbeing and nothing outside can ever take that away. Even if we forget that sometimes.

And if you want to know what I think the Sweetest Perfection actually is, you’ll have to tune in to find out!

Full Interview Transcript

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QUIETLY BOHEMIAN Season 2 Episode 15

Sweetest Perfection – Violator In A Van

The number one regret of the dying is “I wish I’d had the courage to live life true to myself and not the life others expected of me. Don’t let that be you. I’m Laura Li. I’m an introvert and a highly sensitive person. I know it can be difficult in the noisy, hustle, bustle world to feel comfortable or to fit in. And I know it’s hard to hear our own voice over the chorus of what other people think. We’re afraid to step into our dreams swinging between the fear of not being good enough and being too much. Welcome to Quality Bohemian where I encourage you to let go of expectations and limitations and where I support you to live life true to yourself guided by your inner wisdom not your inner critic.

Hello, Quiet Bohemians and welcome to episode 15, in our second season called Violator In A Van, and this week is track two, Sweetest Perfection. It’s a song sung by Martin Gore and I have to say right from the beginning, I have no idea what this song is about. Certainly, despite the fact that it's sung by Martin Gore, not the song I think I would ever have chosen to come and talk to you about, but let's see what we can make of it.

If I had to guess, I would think the song is probably about drugs, although he does actually say when I need a drug in me, so normally he's not that obvious. The one thing I do think is that it is quite a deep song. And I'm sure if I could kind of find a way into it, I'm sure it is actually very profound, but I think the best thing to do this week is to try and keep it simple.

So let me pick out what does he say. Well, when he says about the drug, he says, when I need a drug in me and it brings out the thug in me, I feel something tugging me, then I want the real thing, not tokens.

And let's focus on the real thing, not tokens. And let's start with those tokens. What could they be?

They would probably be all the times you look outside yourself for the answers; all the times you look outside yourself for things to make you feel better, to make you feel satisfied, to make you happy. All those things such as more money, flashy car, bigger house going on holiday, having a closet full of pretty dresses like Marvelous Mrs Maisel.

All the time you're chasing things so that people will like you, people will approve of you, and indeed, all those times when you are chasing the approval from yourself; the idea that there is something you need to do to satisfy some kind of condition before you can feel okay about yourself before you can like yourself.

If those are the tokens, what's the real thing? The real thing is knowing that we have innate mental health and wellbeing, that nothing outside of us can take us away from those things. Nothing outside of us can make us feel stressed or overwhelmed or confused or broken or wrong. All of those things come from inside of us, and that's good news because it means that we’re only ever a thought away from returning to that place of peace and calm and wellbeing, that that is all inside of us as well.

And it's always there. It doesn't go away. The overwhelm, the confusion, the doubt, and the fear doesn't come and replace our wellbeing, our calm, our creativity and potential. It just kind of sits over it. Covers it up like a blanket until we remember, I suppose we remember all that we are and all that we can be and do, and we just whip that blanket off in a heartbeat and we're back into our wellbeing.

When I first learned that that was how life worked, that my stress and my fear didn't come from things that were happening outside of me, it came from what I was thinking.  I kind of thought, Oh, I don't need to ever feel stress or fear again, because I understand it's my thinking that creates that, so I can not have that thinking in the first place. Or if I do, I could know it's my thinking and those feelings will magically disappear. And that isn't what happens. It's true that we create our life from the inside out - from the way we think and feel about things, not the actual things that are happening outside of and in front of us.

But it is equally true that all of those thoughts and emotions, you know, love and joy and creativity and happiness sit alongside the fear and the doubt and the confusion and the overwhelm and the sadness. It's all part of being human. There's nothing wrong with any of these thoughts and emotions.

It's just good to understand where they come from. And have an awareness of how our life is created. And I believe that awareness is curative. And what I mean by that is that although there is no way to take away any part of the range of human emotion, I think having an awareness of where my experience comes from, how it's created does mean that there is less of an impact on me around some of the more fearful, stressful thinking and my experience of life is overall better and calmer as a result of that.

I'm really not sure what Martin means when he says the sweetest perfection things you'd expect to be having effect on me pass undetectedly, but everyone knows what has got me.

When I think of that lyric through the filter of our discussion today, it seems to me that that is exactly what I'm describing, that the things that used to have such an effect on me -some of them do pass undetectedly. Some of them have an impact still, but much less, and some of them are still just these massive big rocks in front of me, but now I just don't worry about them so much because I know I don't have to do anything to remove them. I can just carry on doing the one step in front of me.

And that by the time I've walked up to the boulder, it will have shrunk and it will be completely manageable. It will have gone from a boulder to a pebble, and I'll be able to deal with it at the time. There's no point in looking into the future to try and fix it now. It will come good when it needs to.

And Martin also says, sweetest perfection an offer was made an assorted collection, but I wouldn't trade. I absolutely love this. I really, I don't know what that means.

I can tie it back into what we've just said about how we have the full range of human emotion and that's okay. And that's our assorted collection, and I wouldn't trade. Not that you can trade anyway. You can't trade your way out of being human, but the idea that you wouldn't even want to, because just being human is the sweetest perfection.

Maybe that's what he's telling us. I don't know. Let's say that he is. The Sweetest Perfection is being human and understanding that and accepting ourselves for our humanity.

The last few lines say the sweetest perfection takes me completely, touches so sweetly, reaches so deeply. Nothing can stop me.

And that's the truth. Nothing can stop you. And I think that's a good point to wrap up this week and as ever, thank you very much for listening.

If you know today’s the day you’re finally ready to come out of hiding and start making your dreams come true, I invite you to join me for some 1:1 support in my Spirit Run Wild coaching programme. Head over to https://quietlybohemian.com/coaching/ for more details and to book a Discovery Session to see if it’s for you.


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