Ep 9: Somebody – A Conversation For The Masses

There is so much goodness in this week’s song and therefore in this week’s conversation. Somebody is the song that started my love affair with Depeche Mode and Martin Gore.

It’s a love song and the first time I heard it, it struck me with both its beauty and its simplicity.

Today it sparks a conversation that covers

  • Possibility.
  • There is way more for us to see than we know
  • What more would be possible for us if we open to the idea that anything could be possible
  • What assumptions are you making that are untrue and blocking your way
  • Creativity
  • We do not do or be creativity, we receive it
  • Everybody has the creative potential of the entire universe at their disposal
  • Let creativity flow through you; don’t shut it out
  • Being True To Yourself
  • Don’t compromise – be you
  • Other people in your tribe will find you
  • Finding your people isn’t about them agreeing with you it’s about them accepting you as you are

And a sneak peek at my new creative endeavour, Creating in Community.

Full Interview Transcript

(Scroll to the bottom if you prefer to download the transcript).

QUIETLY BOHEMIAN Season 1 Episode 9

Somebody – A Conversation For The Masses

Welcome to Quietly Bohemian the podcast for introvert, highly sensitive people and kindred free spirits where we look at turning away from your inner critic and towards your inner wisdom. So you do your thing your way in your own time and live life. True to yourself. I'm your host, Laura Li, a transformational life coach, and you can find out more about living life your way at quietlybohemian.com

Hello Quiet Bohemians and welcome to episode nine of Quietly Bohemian and our next conversation for the masses. There comes a point every week now where I think about sitting down to talk to you, and there's always a reluctance because I'm not really sure what I'm going to talk about, and I think, have I got enough to say that will fill an entire podcast episode?

And this week was no exception. I had the same reluctance except this week it's because I have so much to say and I really have no way of sorting that all out in my brain. It's all jumbled up. I don't know if it's going to come out in any coherent way, in any way that makes sense.

This podcast is most definitely about helping you, inspiring you, encouraging you to live life, true to yourself. Do your thing, do it your way. Don't hold back. And if you want to save yourself, I don't know what this will be, 10 15, 20 minutes of your life, just take that away and you can stop listening now.

But if you're curious as to where this is going to go, and so am I, but if you're curious as to where this is going to go, I'm going to ask you just to indulge me a little bit.

Not that I don't talk about Depeche Mode every week, but this week, I don't know, there might be a little bit more. Last week I went to see the Depeche Mode film Spirits in the Forest. I'll confess, I was a little bit worried it might be a little bit boring.

It was absolutely amazing.

There were two women in the row behind me. The film wasn't even three minutes in, I don't think, and they were saying: where's the music? I think there were a lot of fans who either were disappointed and/or thought the film was actually a Depeche Mode concert, but it wasn't. It was never supposed to be that.

It was the story of six fans who love Depeche Mode and who have had such an impact in their lives from listening to the band’s music. The one thing I love almost as much as listening to Depeche Mode is listening to other people who love Depeche Mode, talking about them.

The film was about 80 minutes. I was just, tears were flowing for most of that time. It was so moving to me to hear the stories of these people, and I think I might talk about that in a future episode a bit more. But for now, I have to share this one story of the French lady. Her name was Carine, I think, and she said when she was 25 unfortunately, she was involved in a car crash and she lost her entire memory. Her life just starts from the age of 25,

She said she couldn't even remember her parents. She couldn't remember her own mother. She had to go to classes with four year olds to learn how to speak again. She couldn't remember how to speak. But you know, the one thing she could remember, the one thing that she could remember, Depeche Mode!

That's the power of this band folks, and I am so, I'm just so full of, I don't even know what it is: Joy, Love, Inspiration. For Depeche Mode for Martin Gore and this has led me to choose the song Somebody this week. And Somebody is a song that Martin Gore sings and it was released I think in 1984 or 1985 as a single, a double A side with Blasphemous Rumours, but I didn't hear it until 1992 and Somebody is the song that got me into Depeche Mode.

And it's actually my brother who's the Depeche Mode fan, and he had been playing their music and I'd not really been paying that much attention. And then this song came on and I remember saying to my mum, I really like this song, but that doesn't sound like David Gahan singing. And she said, no, it's not. It's Martin Gore.

And that kind of blew my mind for two reasons. One, because I didn't know my mum knew anything about Depeche Mode, and yet she could tell me the difference between the two singers. And secondly, I did not know it was possible for a band to have two singers. Now, I don't know how many bands do that, and it might just seem like a really ordinary and obvious thing, but I honestly, I didn't know that that was possible.

I didn't know it was a thing. And it was just so amazing to me. And you know, this is before the internet, so it wasn't like you could just go online and Google and learn everything there is to know about a band. So I don't really, I can't really remember how it happened, but just listening to that song and knowing that there was another singer in the band, obviously led me to learn a little bit more about them, and that's when I learned that it wasn't David Gahan, the main singer who wrote the lyrics. It was Martin Gore. And you know, that just started my forever and ever until the day I die love affair with this band.

So as a consequence of seeing this film, this is the song that's come into my head.

The first thing we can talk about when we talk about this song is just opening ourselves up to possibility. And obviously we can't see the things that we don't see, but we can be aware that there are always things that we're not seeing. There's always something more to see in whatever it is we're looking at, whatever it is, with thinking about whatever it is we’re thinking about doing.

And most importantly, whenever we're thinking about doing something that we want to do and we're feeling stopped, we're seeing a block, we're seeing a challenge. There's always another way to look at this and just stay open to that. It's really difficult to interrogate an assumption that you don't know you're making, but if you can at least stay in that space of wonder, of curiosity, of instead of closing down to ask yourself, how can I do this?

Rather than just writing it off and thinking it's not possible. I don't know, let's think of an example. If you wanted to, start a bed and breakfast and you don't have enough capital to get started. Instead of just saying that's not possible, ask yourself, how can I do this without having the money? Or say to yourself, how can I get the money? And just keep thinking about that. Because the only way to get past a block is to have new thinking about it. And whilst I don't think it is actually true to say, you can only have new thinking if you are staying open to the idea that new thinking can come in I've found it does help.

So that's number one, that Somebody, it's teaching us to stay open to the possibility that what we think can't happen, absolutely can happen.

And the second thing that somebody makes me think of is creativity. First and foremost, Martin Gore’s creativity in being able to write this song, and it just makes me think in general of the body of work that he's produced, the quality of some of those songs.

I mean, if you only ever wrote, Enjoy The Silence, you would have to think that your work on this earth was done. But he's written Enjoy The Silence, Policy of Truth, Never Let Me Down Again, Somebody. All the songs we've talked about so far, all the songs we're going to talk about in the coming weeks, and it's just incredible.

It's easy to think that Martin Gore is so creative and we're not, that these people are more creative than we are, and I know 100% that Martin Gore is no more or no less creative than I am. And that you are. It's true that he's an outlier in how wealthy he has become and, I would say also the impact he has, the number of people that he reaches. That probably is quite rare.

But in terms of how creative he is, he's exactly the same as you and me. And in fact, there are probably people who've written far more songs than Martin Gore has written. People we’ll never hear of, but that creativity is in all of us.

And if I could point out any difference maybe between him and us, it’s that he allows that creativity to come through him. And so again, I'm going to ask you, invite you, to let creativity come through you. If there is something you want to do that you're not doing. If there's a way you want to be in the world and you're shutting down possibility for expressing yourself in that way. Then allow whatever it is to just come through. You open yourself up to that.

While we're on the subject of creativity, it's easy to talk about creativity as if it's something that we are, something that we do and I've said that maybe the difference between Martin Gore and us is that he allows that creativity to come through him. And I say that because I think that the ideas we have, the thoughts we have, they're not ours. They come to us from somewhere.

It's like we're a conductor and an electrical conductor is, if I remember my high school physics correctly, is something that allows an electric current to flow through it. So the electric current comes from somewhere it goes through the conductor, and it passes out in a new direction, and that is what we do. The infinite universe is what contains all of the songs that have ever been written. All of the books, the plays, the films, the art that's ever been painted, created, all of the meals that have ever been cooked and all those songs and films and books and plays and artwork and apple pies that are ever going to come.

It's all up in and around us in the universe and for whatever reason we as individuals get to be the conductor for specific pieces of work, of art, of creativity.  We can be open to allowing that to flow through us. We can accept what wants to come and live life being the conductor for those things.

Or we can let the voice of fear, the voice of doubt. Block that flow.

So I'm saying if there's something that's coming to you, let it through.

Jesus said that a prophet has no honour in his own country. It's certainly true that Depeche Mode didn't really get a lot of good press in this country when they were first starting out, and they're definitely more popular in Germany and some Eastern European countries than they are here.

They definitely had a reputation here for being a really gloomy band. And I don't really know if that's justified. I don't personally think that it is. I don't think that they only write gloomy songs. And I think Martin Gore has written a few love songs and Somebody is one of those.

It's a very heartfelt song. It's the only word I can really think of to describe it. It's not what I would call a sickly, saccharine kind of song, and I try, I hope that Martin Gore will come on this podcast one day. I really do. And if he ever listens to these episodes, I really want him to find a person that appreciates and loves his work and not some kind of crazy nutter woman that he doesn't want to come within a mile of.

Got no control over that. But I do try and keep the conversation around the lyrics that he writes and how they impact me, the effects that has on me, the way I have taken these songs to help me in my life. And I try to stay away from Martin Gore the man for the simple reason that I don't actually know him.

it's easy to think that we know famous people, but I'm very conscious that I don't, and I don't know what he's thinking when he writes his songs, obviously, but it is a little bit difficult to separate it entirely because I am intrigued by what kind of person would write these lyrics and what perhaps is motivating a person to write a specific lyric.

And I have no idea what was going through his mind when he wrote this, but some of the lyric, the song starts out saying: “I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life, share my innermost thoughts and know my intimate details”. And it is such a plea, I think, to be known and to be loved for who we are. And not to have to put on a show, not to have to please somebody, not to have to work to meet somebody’s approval.

And you know, even more than that, I think sometimes when we say we want to be accepted for who we are, I think there can be an undercurrent of we want to be accepted for who we are, but we don't feel we can be.

We don't feel we can show who we really are to the world, but the impression I get from this song is very strongly of a man who is that person. He is living life true to himself. He is showing who he is to the world. And he is now just waiting for that person who can come and love him for who he is.

And I say, I get the impression from the song, and that is true. I definitely do get it, for whatever reason, whatever story I have in my head of what this song means, that is what I have. And it's also true that I get that impression from watching him sing this live. So from watching the official video that they released with the song and from watching live footage from concerts.

They don't do this song live anymore. I was lucky enough, they did not play it when I went to see them at my very first Depeche Mode concert in July 1993. But they also did an extra date in London in December 1993 at Wembley Arena. And Martin Gore sang this song then. So I was really lucky to get to see it.

He used to stand really still on the stage in those days. He jumps around quite a lot now, but in those days he would stand very still and I really, really liked that and it was such a contrast to the way David Gahan would conduct himself on stage. And you know, the way he dressed, it was quite outrageous, kind of leather and chains and quite often no shirts. And he would wear makeup and his fingernails painted black. And yes, very much a man, it seems, who was being himself. And I often wonder if he would have dressed like that if he'd stayed in his job at the bank rather than leaving to join a world famous band.

And then the lyric in the song goes on to say: “Though, my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, She'll hear me out and won’t easily be converted, To my way of thinking, in fact she’ll often disagree”. And what I love about that is that he is saying not only does he want to be himself and be loved for who he is, he wants to find somebody exactly the same.

So the woman that he's looking for is somebody who listens to him, who supports him. She'll hear him out, but she is not going to be converted to his way of thinking. She's not going to be a people pleaser. She isn't going to change herself for him. She is going to stand her ground. This is such a strong song, such a song about two strong people and in no way is it gloomy or doomy or down.

It's an incredible love song and it has something to talk to us Quiet Bohemians in saying, let us be who we are. Let us be seen for who we are, and if we find ourselves struggling to find other people who resonate with us, he's not even saying you have to find people that agree with you.

He's just saying to find people who are happy to have you in their life as you are. If you’re waiting for that, then Martin Gore is telling us that that is fine and I guess it's a song of hope in the sense that, again, it doesn't sound to me like a song that’s saying I want this, but it's impossible. It's not coming.

He's just sharing with us, this is what he wants. He's not compromising. He's waiting and he's waiting in the hope and the knowledge that that person is coming. So I'm saying to you, do your thing. In the knowledge that you will find your people, you will find your way. You will find the people who - you will find the people who like what you do. But more importantly than that, you will find people regardless of whether they like what you do or not. They like you for you.

So that is a whirlwind discussion of the song Somebody. We've gone through possibility, creativity, being ourselves.

I'm not sure he could pack much more into one song. So if you have stayed with me, thank you very much.

These are all really important topics. I hope I haven't gone too quickly so as to dilute their meaning or their importance.

One of the reasons why I chose living a life true to yourself to be the kind of hook on which and around I hang my coaching is because Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, found that to be the number one regret of the dying: I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself and not the life others expected of me.

And I cannot think of anything more worthy in my coaching than to help you avoid the number one regret of the dying. And just to let Martin Gore have the last word. The lyric, the part of the lyric that I quoted earlier, I actually didn't finish it because he says: “though, my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, she'll hear me out and won’t easily be converted to my way of thinking, in fact, she'll often disagree. But at the end of it all, she will understand me.

If you are introverted, if you're highly sensitive, if you're feeling for any other reason that you don't fit in and people don't understand you, then I hope that you find that Quietly Bohemian is the place where you can come to be understood

That was episode 9 of Quietly Bohemian. I hope you enjoyed it even though it was quite chaotic. I touched on 3 themes or ideas: possibility, creativity and being your true, authentic self.

And those are 3 themes I’d like to explore with people helping them create something new and bring more of who they really are into their life and work. I’m not going to call it group coaching because that sounds a bit boring. I’m calling it Creating in Community. And because Barbara Sher says isolation is the dream killer.

The working title is Creating for the Masses; and like the podcast I expect it to be a very small and select group. If you have a dream inside you that you’d like to bring to life, consider joining us. We’re starting in January.

You can find out more details at https://quietlybohemian.com/creating-for-the-masses/

Thank you.

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